But what do you actually dooooo??

But what do you actually dooooo??? A question that comes quite often actually.

I often come into contact with the women I am going to serve at some point during their pregnancy. We connect usually by phone or video call the first time, just to see how it might feel to work together.

It is important for both of us to like and trust each other. Of course the trust part can take time, but there is often a strong feeling from right in the beginning about each other and if it is meant to be that we work together.

Lots of what I do is throughout pregnancy. We meet one-on-one, in person or through phone or video call. We talk about many things and I support the women I serve to make informed choices, to feel empowered about their labour and birth. We vision the birth and postpartum time together, we release fears and debrief past stories, or stories that have been heard. We talk about how to make all of the decisions that might come up, and what are the right choices for each women.

My role is really to serve each women in the way that she needs. It is not about my own agenda or my belief’s- it is yours.

.I also attend births and serve women as they labour and bring forth their baby.

Here's a part of the story of a birth I attended.

I arrive in the night, It is about 10.30pm after Mama has messaged to say she is going deeper and she's ready for me to join her. I wait for some moments before I enter her house, taking a few deep breaths of cool night air, centering myself. becoming grounded and present to this exact moment. Here I stand, ready to enter into a sacred birth space.

a pause.

important.

I knock softly and step inside, greeting Papa in the kitchen with a hug and asking how he is. He is calm but also busy. He is trying to connect the garden hose to the kitchen tap to fill the birth pool, but Mama needs him with her right then.

My first mission.

The hose is connected, the pool starts to fill. Mama is deep in her labour trance. she stays there. Papa hops in the pool too. She's got this, I can see it. She doesn't need me right now and her connection with Papa is strong. I step outside and leave the beautiful pair together, sharing the sacred space, journeying together.

As a Doula I know very well I am not needed to be right there in her face in every moment. I make tea, fill glasses of coconut water, prepare a snack. I wait quietly outside the door, listening to see if I am needed. I am holding space. I am leaving room for this sacred process to happen as it should.

But I am there if I'm needed.

After some time I hear quiet voices: the pool needs to be warmer. Papa stands to go and do it, but Mama still needs him there. I add water. It's warm again. I bring the snacks and drinks and offer them to Mama.

She stays deep in her process, knowing that her needs are met, she is calm.

She feels private, safe and unobserved.

She knows she has all the power she needs inside her to birth her baby...

This is just a tiny snippet of the gentle way that a Doula trusts birth, and let's the Mama follow her body and flow, while making sure her physical, emotional and spiritual needs are met..

You did not fail to progress. They failed to wait.

" You did not fail to progress. They failed to wait." .

Let's go a little deeper into this. Failure for a start, isn't the right word to use. You are not a failure. Your body did differently. Using this terminology around simply what can be a variation of normal can set women up to feel, well, to feel like they failed!

Futhermore: the rate that we "should" progress in labour is often measured by Friedman's curve, a guy back in the day who did a bunch of studies on women who were in fact not experiencing physiological birth at the time and plotted them onto a graph. He said that we "should" dilate at a certain rate per hour. As if our body is a machine.

Our bodies are not machines.

We do not dilate like machines.

Nor do we necessarily dilate with any predictable pattern.

One woman might be at 1 cm for several days but have no idea, another might dilate oh-so-slowly in the first stages of labour, and then rapidly at the end....for another, she might stay at 8cm for a long time while her body takes time to rest and baby moves into position.

I'll say it again.

We are not machines.

The Golden Hour

Have you heard about the Golden Hour?? It is the hour following the birth of a sweet new baby: It is a powerful time for bonding and connection, for meeting your baby, for beginning the steps of the life you will share together. Mum and baby have just completed a massive transition each in their very own way.

I read and loved a book called Birth Without Violence by Frédérick Leboyer, a book written in 1974. It entered my heart and soul and lead me to place strong importance of this special time with new babies.... By the simple way he writes, he allows space to drop into what it actually might be like for newborn baby who has just arrived. Imagine the intensity of light, of sound, the skin suddenly adjusting to being in air, not water, the feeling of oxygen in lungs, the feel of skin on skin, learning to breathe, being separated from the placenta that had provided nourishment with ease and no work from baby's side.

I think a beautiful way to welcome wee baby into the world is straight into Mama's chest, staying there on her bare skin as they start to get to know each other.

For me it didn't feel important to do a newborn exam right then, it didn't feel important to know how long Mātea was, or how much she weighed. I just wanted to feel her skin on my skin.. and welcome her to the world outside gently and softly.

And in my work as a Doula, I place great importance on safe guarding this precious time.